( bAG laDy )

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Satuday 5th, Dec 2009

Simply Market, place Léon Blum, Paris

I'M WEARING:

fitted leather blazer: vintage Kenzo; nude fishnet knit: Maison Martin Margiela, line 1; beige sweater: Dries von Noten; destroyed T-shirt: Maison Martin Margiela, (prototype, eventually didn't get manufactured in this color); draped skirt: Rick Owens; checked scarf: courtesy of Korea Airlines. Ok ok, I stole it; studded boots: Demonia; snake ring: Estrosia

 

(entering the aisle in a cowboy walk empowers me; seeing my complete lack of grace in still pictures a couple of hours later does not).

Going to the supermarket is one real pain in the ass*, and should not be taken lightly.

I have always managed to avoid malls if any of the following would be on my mind:

- I have 100 euros left on my bank accont, give or take 10 cents and a pack of Pringles`

- I'm high. Soon enough I'll be craving chocolate

- Somebody else will eventually take care of my cats' litterbox, right?

The problem is yesterday I couldn't come up with a decent menu using what we had left in the fridge (half a rotten onion, vinegar, capers and some Vitamin C tablets). On top of it, my cats still won't learn how to clean after themselves.

I had to go get some stuff.

 

I wore my shabby chic look then grasping onto a Post IT note, I headed to closest Simply Market store, in the hopes of getting out fast and unnoticed. 

And by "getting out fast and unnoticed" I mean threathening the cashier with a golden foil laserbeam sword, trying all tights samples on my face, reenacting the forest sequence from  "Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger" on shopping carts and eating white beans right out from the can.

Two hours, 99 euros and one raging headheache later we got out, and by "got out" I mean they kicked our fashionably clad asses out, i still cannot see why.

 

We bought a bunch of crap that was not on The Original List, which included boring items such as toilet paper and milk. 

Who wants toilet paper and milk if you can get fresh salmon eggs, a bottle of Martini and a life-size Barbie doll head and torso to let out your inner tacky chinese make up artist?

 
  

So I didn't listen to anyone (Walter, the Original List, my guilty conscience speaking in Eric Cartman's voice) and I just kept packing my cart while giving my best angle to the camera and shouting directions through the racks stacked with italian Panettone:

<< I NEED MORE DETAILS MAN !!!

WHY DONT YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF ME FROM BEHIND, LIKE REALLY BOTTOM UP IN A SUPERWIDE ANGLE, AND PLEASE REMEMBER TO AIM THE AUTOFOCUS AT MY ASS OR ELSE IT WILL BE BLURRY, R U LISTENING ? >>

 

Here's your unwanted piece of advice of the day: Don't ever let a photograper talk you into taking his picture; you are so going to regret it.

Walter is indeed already regretting it, this but it's too late for him.

I made him sign in blood an agreement in which it is stated that I can use him as a living tripod / camera trigger to take my pictures until October 2066. 

In case you are wondering no, he's not a photographer, I am one so I gotta take care of everything but "pushing the button", ( camera settings, lighting, editing and artistic direction of the shoot).

I also get to retouch myself, which is quite a moment of acceptance of my humanly imperfection, now in 21,1 Megapixel of gross details to zoom into.

That's right, since I got the my Canon 5D mark II I have 7000 more pixels to hate myself, and my external hard drive just asked me a raise.

So what's a girl to do? Check out a couple of  "plastic surgery gone wrong" videos on YouTube then finally Photoshop the misery out of my face before you guys get to see that I too have pimples and an interesting nose. God forbid.

No Martini? No hangover.

No, I want the other yogurt brand, the one with all the good bacteria and stuff which are going to turn me into the flawless goddess of un-constipation.

  

I don't care if you have just three items, slightly bad hair day, dyslexia, your period and your dog is old and waiting for you outside in the rain. if you cut me in the line I'll cut your fingers off, bitch.

* the only worse "pain in the ass" places to go I could think of, besides the obituary of course, would be the dentist and a sunday trip to any IKEA in the world.

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Comments

[Jess]

you stole the scarf off an airline? I'd have done so too, it looks so cozy! And you are beautiful in quite an angry way. You look like Keira Knightley, but a less girly version of her. I mean this as a compliment.

[mara]

Eeeer.. yes, I did, and I am sorry, but I won't return it anytime soon !
this scarf is magic I can't stop wearing it. If you have any friends flying to Korea and back... I'm just sayin'!
xoxo, mara

ps: thanx for comparing me to such a beauty !

[lola]

haha you had me giggling the entire time i read this :P i love your outfit, specially the boots :)
for me, the worse "pain in the ass" place is the bank! i hate going to the bank!!!
good luck on your new blog! i loved the other one, you're a great photographer!

[Jess]

oh no no I'm not a model (!)
I really am not photogenic, it takes me ages to get good enough pictures to put up on the blog. Good luck with the new blog and figuring out typepad, I'll add you to my links!
Jess xx

[iida]

priceless blog! martini, margiela, cartman, korea airlines. youre my MAN.

i think supermarkets are fun high but tripping is even more fun... the food wonderland. its scary.

ps - only REAL cure for the constipation is 3 cups of black coffee on an empty stomach in the morning. and then squat down for an hour and itll start working, i do it every morning...

[mara]

okok your comment is hilarious... thanks for your "tips" :D

cheers from Paris !

mara

[bluefemme]

Haha! YOu are super cute and hot! I also hate malls and super markets.
http://www.justme-bluefemme.blogspot.com/

[maud]

I think I just fell in love with that blog !

[mara]

thank you maud.
your blog rocks !

i will shortly update mine withunretouched pictures of
models coming to my house for gosees, and of course
with a link to your fabuolous blog !